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Holding your breath for guitar solos, eating ice cream when you’re lactose intolerant, reviewing the album Guided by Voices – Bee Thousand, a tryout segment using Stack Exchange questions, and a hot look at micro-transactions and the recent EA Battlefront II controversy– This week has it all!

You Mean The Demons?

This one’s kind of a downer folks: we talk about a racist pizza purveyor (and how everything will almost certainly work out for him in the end), a movie all about a guy trying to kill himself, read some choice sad short stories from Reddit, and Elsagate, one of the most disturbing things happening on the web right now, a rash of Youtube videos targeted at very young children seemingly written by algorithms, ranging from the slightly unnerving to the violent.

But! We also have a pleasant conversation about video games, and the sad stories really aren’t really all that sad. There’s even a mini-play in here, featuring some excellent voice acting work from the boys. So it’s not all as bad as it seems!

Here’s the article we discuss about the Youtube videos: A number of the specific videos embedded in the article have since been taken down, probably in large part due to the popularity of the article, but plenty of similar content remains.

The Terrifying Halloween “Spook”-tacular

BOO!! Haha, just kidding folks. But now that I’ve got your attention, how about you check out this special Halloween episode? The boys relive a frightening trick-or-treating tale from Mark’s childhood and try to figure out what costume Ryan should wear to an upcoming party. Then, they review the Halloween-themed animated miniseries Over the Garden Wall, including Mark giving a voice-acting performance you WON’T want to miss. Finally, hear the bone-chilling tale of the Emoji Killer. Forget the tricks, this episode is a damn treat!!

The Sniffer

This one’s a real doozy! We start with an ad read from a big-time new sponsor, then discuss the Netflix show American Vandal. Then we join Eminem on a journey to determine whether or not he should throw a coffeepot(??) at Donald Trump(??). Finally we cap things off with two news stories, one of which is probably the funniest story of the year, while the other is the best, most feel-good story of the year. Don’t forget to use promo code MARKSFAVORITEPIZZA.

The Bible, Part 2: The Bibleing

Well folks, it’s podcast time yet again as your favorite boys are back to discuss Quentin Tarantino, which professional sports they would play, and which official Cry Laugh Emoji cats are about to have body parts surgically removed. All that….and more??!?! That’s right, the boys also discuss a weird internet phenomenon where fans of creative works decide upon traits to retroactively place upon characters of that work, which is maybe fine because we also discuss a prominent author who did that to her own work a few times and that’s probably weirder in the end. Plus, Ryan breaks down the MLB playoffs, which had yet to begin at this time. Let’s go Red Sox!!

Live from Texas– Howdy Ya’ll!

In this episode Simmon’s and Mark are live together in Mark’s new hometown of Austin, TX! They get into all sorts of shenanigans in this reunion episode including a review of the cult classic movie ‘The Bucket List’, professional commentary on the “toy” fidget spinners, a first tasting of a Yoohoo ever, the last tasting of soured pickle balls ever, and much much more.

Sweet Tart & Sour Skittle

We’re back with another classic ep as we take a look at Trust and Betrayal, an anime that tells the tale of a Japanese assassin named Kenshin. And that’s not the only bloodthirsty Asian murderer featured here, as we also discuss North Korea in our very first Foreign Policy Segment®!! Other topics of discussion inculde Haley Joel Osteen, round candies, Mark’s impending death, Ryan’s new dating profile pic, and some twisted as h*ck Cards Against Humanity answers. Plus, we throw in some great ads for good measure. What’s not to love?

But The Prize Is Insanity

In this episode the boys discuss eclipse survival tips, what they would do if they won the lottery, and the lone release from the mysterious Chris Gaines. We’re trying to catch up to episodes that aren’t so outdated but yeah this was recorded before the eclipse. The laughs, however, are timeless. RIP Master Ryoshi.

Three Guys Walk Into A Bar…

Cry Laugh Emoji is BACK with an episode that we recorded like a month ago. Remember Charlottesville? This was like right after that so we talk about that and a bunch of other depressing news that happened around that time. We also wade into the cesspool that is and review the Migos mixtape Y.R.N. (Young Rich Niggas). Let this episode take you to the promised….LAN?!?!?!

10% Human Flesh

Much like the Legolas Fan Club official forums, the boys are discussing Archer in this one. Specifically, the most recent season that takes place almost entirely in the coma dream of the title character. Plus, we create a brand new repeat segment by accident because we didn’t realize we had already done it before until like halfway through doing it again. And Ryan plays a game of Would You Rather that’s NOT for the faint of heart. Ummm, hell, I’d rather not??