Candy Coins in the Chocolate Kingdom

We’re back! And now with more Squirt sponsors. Simmons reviews the Youtube series You Suck at Photoshop for the Tell Me About It segment. He rightfully gave it 3 laughs out of 7 cries. We cover our top 3 sitcoms, and after much thinking, we’ve both concluded on at least Cheers being up there. Take a listen, there’s plenty more in this reasonably lengthed episode.

This is a picture of Simmon’s cat Sludge.

Finally we do our Yahoo Answers section. Here’s a couple questions:

What does black swan taste like?

What can you smell from 10 miles away?

This is a picture of the guy who was curious if he was ugly or not in our Yahoo answers segment. What do you think?

Why, a girly history, a genre

Good afternoon, folks! It is Thursday and them boys are getting back in sync with their regular podcast schedule. What does this mean to you?! A new episode! We’re talking cat-traps, another installment in our Cheers series, plus Mark reviews the comic Achewood for Tell Me About It.

A couple hot button items from our Yahoo Answers section: Going to prom with your brother or sister, not crying when your dad dies, why don’t potatoes grow on trees, what’s your top 3 favorite candies? How do you deal with an untrained doberman puppy from a sketchy craigslist post?

This is a record-breaker, coming in at almost 2 hours!! (We are actually working to get our time back to around one hour, sorry about that)

This Is Our Podcast, Got It?

The boys are all over the place in this episode, talking about the Cleveland Indians, Hitler’s English name, ranking the Cheers characters, aliens masturbating, the sin of astrology, the Descendents album “Milo Goes To College”, Mad Libs, the U.S.’s greatest enemy, Mark’s tattoos, and why you shouldn’t listen to your doctor. Give it a listen, we’re really sweet kids despite some of our behavior.

Your Mom’s Virginity

The ACTUAL 40th episode of Cry Laugh Emoji is kind of a Cheers-themed episode, as we keep coming back around to discuss the sitcom that Mark has begun watching and Ryan has seen every episode of. In between, we analyze Nathan For You’s most recent season finale, the movie-length documentary Finding Frances. Also, Mark avoids a pressing question about what he’ll be doing during the Super Bowl, Ryan reads an ad from our fine friends at Bottled Water Co., and the boys discuss TV show theme songs. Finally, we delve deep into some disturbed psyches in our Yahoo Answers segment. Bon appetit!

The Final Fuccbois

Welcome back to another episode (THE BIG 4-0), folks! We go over a couple new ideas: Dr. Simmons: The Therapist, the year of Cry Laugh Emoji (and a possible podcast of the year award), and DOCTOR malone: The Therapist. our segment Tell Me About It we review the movie “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (1974), and how it is very dissimilar to the title. In this segment we also mention our friend podcast, The Final Boys, but forgot the name of it. So check those boys out! We go over what may or may not be our last What’s in the News? segment. Remember this was recorded January 8th! There is also a little talk of lizard people, because we just couldn’t avoid it. Here we also debut our new segment Yahoo…Answers something or other.

Here’s a couple Yahoo Answers questions to get you going:

Is Joe Burden a homosexual?

My female ferret keeps freaking out and jumping around all over the place, licking her privates constantly. What’s wrong?

That Not In The Bible

Welcome back folks! It’s been a while since we posted an episode, but this one is absolutely delightful. We discuss the great Joe Mande’s Award Winning Comedy Special, discuss the merits of fidget spinning, and dive into the realm of the Unknown Punster. Then we debut an instant classic segment, the Advice Corner, where we go back and forth asking and answering questions posed by the fine users of Yahoo! Answers. Whether you’re wondering what it’s like to be dead or simply looking for a ghetto badass Instagram username, let Drs. Malone & Simmons help you out.

You Mean The Demons?

This one’s kind of a downer folks: we talk about a racist pizza purveyor (and how everything will almost certainly work out for him in the end), a movie all about a guy trying to kill himself, read some choice sad short stories from Reddit, and Elsagate, one of the most disturbing things happening on the web right now, a rash of Youtube videos targeted at very young children seemingly written by algorithms, ranging from the slightly unnerving to the violent.

But! We also have a pleasant conversation about video games, and the sad stories really aren’t really all that sad. There’s even a mini-play in here, featuring some excellent voice acting work from the boys. So it’s not all as bad as it seems!

Here’s the article we discuss about the Youtube videos: https://medium.com/@jamesbridle/something-is-wrong-on-the-internet-c39c471271d2. A number of the specific videos embedded in the article have since been taken down, probably in large part due to the popularity of the article, but plenty of similar content remains.

The Terrifying Halloween “Spook”-tacular

BOO!! Haha, just kidding folks. But now that I’ve got your attention, how about you check out this special Halloween episode? The boys relive a frightening trick-or-treating tale from Mark’s childhood and try to figure out what costume Ryan should wear to an upcoming party. Then, they review the Halloween-themed animated miniseries Over the Garden Wall, including Mark giving a voice-acting performance you WON’T want to miss. Finally, hear the bone-chilling tale of the Emoji Killer. Forget the tricks, this episode is a damn treat!!

The Sniffer

This one’s a real doozy! We start with an ad read from a big-time new sponsor, then discuss the Netflix show American Vandal. Then we join Eminem on a journey to determine whether or not he should throw a coffeepot(??) at Donald Trump(??). Finally we cap things off with two news stories, one of which is probably the funniest story of the year, while the other is the best, most feel-good story of the year. Don’t forget to use promo code MARKSFAVORITEPIZZA.