Your Mom’s Virginity

The ACTUAL 40th episode of Cry Laugh Emoji is kind of a Cheers-themed episode, as we keep coming back around to discuss the sitcom that Mark has begun watching and Ryan has seen every episode of. In between, we analyze Nathan For You’s most recent season finale, the movie-length documentary Finding Frances. Also, Mark avoids a pressing question about what he’ll be doing during the Super Bowl, Ryan reads an ad from our fine friends at Bottled Water Co., and the boys discuss TV show theme songs. Finally, we delve deep into some disturbed psyches in our Yahoo Answers segment. Bon appetit!

The Final Fuccbois

Welcome back to another episode (THE BIG 4-0), folks! We go over a couple new ideas: Dr. Simmons: The Therapist, the year of Cry Laugh Emoji (and a possible podcast of the year award), and DOCTOR malone: The Therapist. our segment Tell Me About It we review the movie “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (1974), and how it is very dissimilar to the title. In this segment we also mention our friend podcast, The Final Boys, but forgot the name of it. So check those boys out! We go over what may or may not be our last What’s in the News? segment. Remember this was recorded January 8th! There is also a little talk of lizard people, because we just couldn’t avoid it. Here we also debut our new segment Yahoo…Answers something or other.

Here’s a couple Yahoo Answers questions to get you going:

Is Joe Burden a homosexual?

My female ferret keeps freaking out and jumping around all over the place, licking her privates constantly. What’s wrong?

That Not In The Bible

Welcome back folks! It’s been a while since we posted an episode, but this one is absolutely delightful. We discuss the great Joe Mande’s Award Winning Comedy Special, discuss the merits of fidget spinning, and dive into the realm of the Unknown Punster. Then we debut an instant classic segment, the Advice Corner, where we go back and forth asking and answering questions posed by the fine users of Yahoo! Answers. Whether you’re wondering what it’s like to be dead or simply looking for a ghetto badass Instagram username, let Drs. Malone & Simmons help you out.

That will be $.99 to continue listening to this episode

Holding your breath for guitar solos, eating ice cream when you’re lactose intolerant, reviewing the album Guided by Voices – Bee Thousand, a tryout segment using Stack Exchange questions, and a hot look at micro-transactions and the recent EA Battlefront II controversy– This week has it all!

You Mean The Demons?

This one’s kind of a downer folks: we talk about a racist pizza purveyor (and how everything will almost certainly work out for him in the end), a movie all about a guy trying to kill himself, read some choice sad short stories from Reddit, and Elsagate, one of the most disturbing things happening on the web right now, a rash of Youtube videos targeted at very young children seemingly written by algorithms, ranging from the slightly unnerving to the violent.

But! We also have a pleasant conversation about video games, and the sad stories really aren’t really all that sad. There’s even a mini-play in here, featuring some excellent voice acting work from the boys. So it’s not all as bad as it seems!

Here’s the article we discuss about the Youtube videos: A number of the specific videos embedded in the article have since been taken down, probably in large part due to the popularity of the article, but plenty of similar content remains.

The Terrifying Halloween “Spook”-tacular

BOO!! Haha, just kidding folks. But now that I’ve got your attention, how about you check out this special Halloween episode? The boys relive a frightening trick-or-treating tale from Mark’s childhood and try to figure out what costume Ryan should wear to an upcoming party. Then, they review the Halloween-themed animated miniseries Over the Garden Wall, including Mark giving a voice-acting performance you WON’T want to miss. Finally, hear the bone-chilling tale of the Emoji Killer. Forget the tricks, this episode is a damn treat!!

The Sniffer

This one’s a real doozy! We start with an ad read from a big-time new sponsor, then discuss the Netflix show American Vandal. Then we join Eminem on a journey to determine whether or not he should throw a coffeepot(??) at Donald Trump(??). Finally we cap things off with two news stories, one of which is probably the funniest story of the year, while the other is the best, most feel-good story of the year. Don’t forget to use promo code MARKSFAVORITEPIZZA.

The Bible, Part 2: The Bibleing

Well folks, it’s podcast time yet again as your favorite boys are back to discuss Quentin Tarantino, which professional sports they would play, and which official Cry Laugh Emoji cats are about to have body parts surgically removed. All that….and more??!?! That’s right, the boys also discuss a weird internet phenomenon where fans of creative works decide upon traits to retroactively place upon characters of that work, which is maybe fine because we also discuss a prominent author who did that to her own work a few times and that’s probably weirder in the end. Plus, Ryan breaks down the MLB playoffs, which had yet to begin at this time. Let’s go Red Sox!!

Live from Texas– Howdy Ya’ll!

In this episode Simmon’s and Mark are live together in Mark’s new hometown of Austin, TX! They get into all sorts of shenanigans in this reunion episode including a review of the cult classic movie ‘The Bucket List’, professional commentary on the “toy” fidget spinners, a first tasting of a Yoohoo ever, the last tasting of soured pickle balls ever, and much much more.

Sweet Tart & Sour Skittle

We’re back with another classic ep as we take a look at Trust and Betrayal, an anime that tells the tale of a Japanese assassin named Kenshin. And that’s not the only bloodthirsty Asian murderer featured here, as we also discuss North Korea in our very first Foreign Policy Segment®!! Other topics of discussion inculde Haley Joel Osteen, round candies, Mark’s impending death, Ryan’s new dating profile pic, and some twisted as h*ck Cards Against Humanity answers. Plus, we throw in some great ads for good measure. What’s not to love?